Sir G. Why, there it is now! a man that he intend to do with Miranda? Is she to be wants money thinks none can be unhappy sold in private, or will he put her up by way that has it; but my affairs are in such a whim- of auction, at who bids most? If so, 'egad I'm sical posture that it will require a calculation for him; my gold, as you say, shall be subof my nativity to find if my gold will relieve servient to my pleasure.

me or not.

Charles. To deal ingenuously with you, sir Charles. Ha, ha, ha! never consult the stars George, I know very little of her or home; about that; gold has a power beyond them. for since my uncle's death, and my return Then what can thy business be that gold won't from travel, I have never been well with my serve thee in?

father; he thinks my expenses too great, and Sir G. Why I'm in love. I his allowance too little; he never sees me Charles. In love!-Ha, ha, ha, ha! in love! but he quarrels, and to avoid that I shun bis -Ha, ha, ha, ha! with what, pr'ythee? a house as much as possible. The report is he cherub?

Sir G. No; with a woman. Charles. A woman! good. Ha, ha, ha, ha! and gold not help thee?

intends to marry her himself.
Sir G. Can she consent to it?

Charles. Yes, faith, so they say: but I tell you I am wholly ignorant of the matter. I Sir G. But suppose I'm in love with two- fancy she plays the mother-in-law already, Charles. Ay, if thou'rt in love with two and sets the old gentleman on to do mischief. hundred, gold will fetch 'em, I warrant thee, Sir G. Then I have your free consent to boy. But who are they? who are they? come. get her?

Charles. Ay, and my helping hand, if oc

Sir G. One is a lady whose face I never saw, but witty to a miracle; the other beauti-casion be. ful as Venus

Charles. And a fool

Sir G. Poh! yonder's a fool coming this way; let's avoid him. Sir G. For aught I know, for I never spoke Charles. What, Marplot? No, no, he's my to her; but you can inform me. I am charm'd instrument; there's a thousand conveniences by the wit of the one, and die for the beauty in him; he'll lend me his money when he has of the other. any, run of my errands, and be proud on it; Charles. And pray which are you in quest in short, he'll pimp for me, lie for me, drink

of now?

Sir G. I prefer the sensual pleasure; I'm for her I've seen, who is thy father's ward, Miranda.

for me, do any thing but fight for me; and that I trust to my own arm for.

Sir G. Nay, then he's to be endured; I never knew his qualifications before.

Charles. Nay, then I pity you; for the Jew, my father, will no more part with her and Enter MARPLOT, with a Patch' across his

thirty thousand pounds than he would with a guinea to keep me from starving.

Sir G. Now you see gold can't do every thing, Charles.

Charles. Yes; for 'tis her gold that bars my father's gate against you.

Face.

Mar. Dear Charles, yours-Ha! sir George Airy! the man in the world I have an ambition to be known to! [Aside] Give me thy hand, dear boy.

Charles. A good assurance! But harkye, how came your beautiful countenance clouded in

Sir G. Why, if he be this avaricious wretch, how cam'st thou by such a liberal education? the wrong place?

Charles. Not a souse out of his pocket, I Mar. I must confess 'tis a little mal-a-proassure you: I had an uncle who defray'd that pos; but no matter for that. A word with charge; but for some little wildness of youth, you, Charles. Pr'ythee introduce me to sir though he made me his heir, left dad my George-he is a man of wit, and I'd give ten

guardian till I came to years of discretion, which I presume the old gentleman will never think I am; and now he has got the estate into his clutches, it does me no more good than if it lay in Prester John's1) dominions, Sir G. What, canst thou find no stratagem to redeem it?

Charles. I have made many essays to no purpose; though want, the mistress of invention, still tempts me on, yet still the old fox is too cunning for me. I am upon my last project, which if it fails, then for my last refuge, a brown musket. 2)

Sir G. What is't? can I assist thee?

Charles. Not yet; when you can, I have confidence enough in you to ask it.

Sir G. I am always ready. But what does

guineas to

Charles. When you have 'em, you mean. Mar. Ay, when I have 'em; pugh, pox, you cut the thread of my discourse-I would give ten guineas, I say, to be rank'd in his acquaintance. But, pr'ythee, introduce me.

Charles. Well, on condition you'll give us a true account how you came by that mourning nose, I will. Mar. I'll do it.

Charles. Sir George, here's a gentleman has a passionate desire to kiss your hand.

Sir G. Oh! I honour men of the sword! and I presume this gentleman is lately come from Spain or Portugal-by his scars.

Mar. No really, sir George, mine sprung from civil fury. Happening last night into the groom porter's-I had a strong inclination to go ten guineas with a sort of a, sort of amilksop, as I thought. A pox of the dice! he flung out, and my pockets being empty, as Charles knows they often are, he face for my deficiency.

1) A certain priest of the name of John, is said to have
travelled into the mountains of Thibet, and there to kind of a
have founded the religion of Dalai Lama, sometime
in the 11th century. A farther account is to be seen
in the History of the Church.

a) The soldiers call their musket, "brown Bess;" it proved a surly North Briton, and broke my

Sir G. Ha, ha! and did not you draw? Mar. Draw, sir! why I did but lay my hand upon my sword to make a swift retreat, and he roar'd out. Now the deel a ma sal, sir, gin ye touch yer steel I se whip mine through a certain merchant my hunting horses, and

Sir G. What was it, pr'ythee? Mar. Nay, Charles, now don't expose your friend.

ver wem. 1)

Sir G. Ha, ha, ha!

Charles. Why, you must know I had lent

was to have met his wife in his absence. Sending him along with my groom to make the compliment, and to deliver a letter to the lady at the same time, what does he do but gives the husband the letter and offers her the horses! Mar. Why to be sure I did offer her the

Charles. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Safe was the word.
So you walk'd off, I suppose.
Mar. Yes, for I avoid fighting, purely to be
serviceable to my friends, you know-
Sir G. Your friends are much obliged to horses, and I remember you was even with

you, sir: I hope you'll rank me in that number. me, for you denied the letter to be yours, and Mar. Sir George, a bow from the side-box, 2) swore I had a design upon her, which my or to be seen in your chariot, binds me ever bones paid for.

vours.

Charles. Come, sir George, let's walk round Sir G. Trifles; you may command 'em when if you are not engaged, for I have sent my you please. man upon a little earnest business, and I have Charles. Provided he may command you. ordered him to bring me the answer into the Mar. Me! why I live for no other purpose Park. -Sir George, I have the honour to be caressed by most of the reigning toasts) of the town: Illtell'em you are the finest gentlemanSir G. No, no, pr'ythee let me alone to tell the ladies-my parts-Can you convey a letter upon occasion, or deliver a message with an air of business, ha?

Mar. With the assurance of a page and the gravity of a statesman.

Sir G. You know Miranda?

Mar. What! my sister ward? why, her guardian is mine; we are fellow sufferers. Ah, he is a covetous, cheating, sanctified curmudgeon: that sir Francis Gripe is a damn'd old -hypocritical

Charles. Hold, hold; I suppose, friend, you forget that he is my father.

Mar. Business! and I not know it! Egad I'll watch him. [Aside. Sir G. I must beg your pardon, Charles, I am to meet your father. Charles. My father!

Sir G. Ay, and about the oddest bargain perhaps you ever heard of; but I'll not impart till I know the success.

Mar. What can his business be with sir Francis? Now would I give all the world to know it. Why the devil should not one know every man's concerns!

[Aside.

Charles. Prosperity to't, whate'er it be: I have private affairs too: over a bottle we'll compare notes.

Mar. Charles knows I love a glass as well as any man; I'll make one; shall it be tonight? I long to know their secrets. [Aside.

Enter WHISPER.

Mar. I ask your pardon, Charles, but it is for your sake I hate him. Well, I say, the world is mistaken in him; his outside piety makes him every man's executor, and his in- Whis. Sir, sir, Mrs. Patch says Isabinda's side cunning makes hinu every heir's gaoler. Spanish father has quite spoiled the plot, and Egad, Charles, I'm half persuaded that thour't she can't meet you in the Park, but he infalsome ward too, and never of his getting-for libly will go out this afternoon, she says: but never were two things so unlike as you and I must step again to know the hour. your father; he scrapes up every thing, and Mar. What did Whisper say now? I shall thou spend'st every thing; every body is in-go stark mad if I'm not let into the secret. debted to him, and thou art indebted to every body.

Mar.

Charles. You are very free, Mr. Marplot.
Ay, I give and take, Charles-you may
be as free with me, you know.
Sir G. A pleasant fellow.

Charles. The dog is diverting sometimes, or there would be no enduring his impertinence. He is pressing to be employed, and willing to execute; but some ill fate generally attends all he undertakes, and he oftener spoils an intrigue than helps it.

Mar. I have always your good word, but if I miscarry 'tis none of my fault; I follow

my instructions.

Charles. Yes, witness the merchant's wife.
Mar. Pish, pox! that was an accident.

Charles. Curst misfortune!

[Aside.

1) Now the devil have my soul, sir, if ye touch your to the Park?
strel (sword) 1 will whip (thrust) mine through your
wm (belly).

Patch. Oh, madam, your ladyship can't 3) The side-box at the Theatre, where the English belles imagine what wretched disappointment we have met with! Just as I had fetch'd a suit of 5. Ladies who on account of their beauty (sometimes on my clothes for a disguise, comes my old master out of their philanthropy) used to be toasted (to into his closet, which is right against her chamber door: this struck us into a terrible fright-at length I put on a grave face, and dom make good husbands: in sober sadness asked him if he was at leisure for his choco-she cannot abide 'em. late? in hopes to draw him out of his bole; Mir. [Peeping] In sober sadness you are but he snapp'd my nose off: "No, I shall be mistaken. - What can this mean? busy here these two hours." At which my Sir G. Lookye, sir Francis, whether she poor mistress, seeing no way of escape, or- can or cannot abide young fellows is not the dered me to wait on your ladyship with the business: will you take the fifty guineas?

sad relation.

Sir F. In good truth I will not-for I knew Mir. Unhappy Isabinda! was ever any thing thy father, he was a hearty wary man, and I so unaccountable as the humour of sir Jealous cannot consent that his son should squander away what he saved to no purpose.

Traffick?

Patch. Oh, madam, it's his living so long Mir. [Peeping] Now, in the name of wonin Spain; he vows he'll spend half his estate der, what bargain can he be driving about me but he'll be a parliament man, on purpose to for fifty guineas?

bring in a bill for women to wear veils, and Sir G. Well, sir Francis, since you are other odious Spanish customs He swears it so conscientious for my father's sake, then is the height of impudence to have a woman permit me the favour gratis. seen barefaced even at church, and scarce be- Sir F. No verily; if thou dost not lieves there's a true begotten child in the city. experience thou wilt

buy thy

never be wise; therefore

Mir. Ha, ha, ha! how the old fool torments give me a hundred and try thy fortune. himself! Suppose he could introduce his rigid Sir G. The scruples arose, I find, from the rules-does he think we could not match them scanty sum-Let me see a hundred guineas in contrivance? No, no; let the tyrant man - [Takes the Money out of a Purse, and make what laws he will, if there's a woman chinks it] Ha! they have a very pretty sound, under the government, I warrant she finds a and a very pleasing look-But then, Miranda way to break 'em. Is his mind set upon the Spaniard for his son-in-law still?

Patch. Ay, and he expects him by the next fleet, which drives his daughter to melancholy and despair. But, madam, I find you retain the same gay cheerful spirit you had when I waited on your ladyship. My lady is mighty good-humoured too, and I have found a way to make sir Jealous believe I am wholly in his interest, when my real design is to serve her: he makes me her gaoler, and I set her at liberty.

-but if she should be cruel

Sir F. Ay, do consider on't. He, he, he! Sir G. No, I'll do't. Come, to the point; here's the gold; sum up the conditions.

[Sir Francis pulls out a Paper. Mir. [Peeping] Ay, for heaven's sake do, for my expectation is on the rack, Sir F. Well, at your peril be it. Sir G. Ay, ay, go on.

Sir F. Imprimis, you are to be admitted into my house in order to move your suit to Miranda, for the space of ten minutes, with

Mir. I knew thy prolific brain would be of out let or molestation, provided I remain in singular service to her, or I had not parted with thee to her father.

Patch. But, madam, the report is that you
are going to marry your guardian.
Mir. It is necessary such a report should
be, Patch.

Patch. But is it true, madam?
Mir. That's not absolutely necessary.
Patch. I thought it was

the same room.

Sir G. But out of ear-shot.

ay: the

Sir F. Well, well, I don't desire to hear what you say; ha, ha, ha! in consideration I am to have that purse and a hundred guineas. Sir G. Take it. [Gives him the Purse] And this agreement is to be performed to-day. Sir F. Ay, ay; sooner the better. Poor only the old strain, fool! how Miranda and I shall laugh at him! coaxing him still for your own, and railing at [Aside]-Well, sir George, ha, ha, ha! take all the young fellows about town: in my mind the last sound of your guineas, ha, ha, ha! now you are as ill plagu'd with your guardian, [Chinks them. Exit. madam, as my lady is with her father.

Mir. [Peeping] Sure he does not know I

Mir. No, I have liberty, wench; that she am Miranda.

wants: what would she give now to be in Sir G. A very extraordinary bargain I have this dishabille in the open air, nay, more, in made, truly; if she should be really in love pursuit of the young fellow she likes? for with this old cuff now Pshaw! that's morally that's my case, I assure you.

Patch. As for that, madam, she's even with you; for though she can't come abroad, we have a way to bring him home in spite of old Argus.

impossible. But then, what hopes have I to succeed? I never spoke to her

Mir. [Peeping] Say you so? then I am safe. Sir G. What though my tongue never spoke, my eyes said a thousand things, and my hopes Mir. Now, Patch, your opinion of my flattered me her's answer'd 'em. If I'm lucky choice, for here he comes-Ha! my guardian - if not, it is but a hundred guineas thrown [Mir. comes forward.

with him! what can be the meaning of this? I'm sure sir Francis can't know me in this dress. Let's observe 'em. [They withdraw. Enter SIR FRANCIS GRIPE and SIR GEORGE AIRY.

Sir F. Verily, sir George, thou wilt repent throwing away thy money so, for I tell thee sincerely, Miranda, my charge, does not like a young fellow; they are all vicious, and sel

away.

Mir. Upon what, sir George? Sir G. Ha! my incognita-upon a woman, madam.

Mir. They are the worst things you can deal in, and damage the soonest; your very breath destroys 'em, and I fear you'll never see your return, sir George, ha, ha!

Sir G. Were they more brittle than china, and dropped to pieces with a touch, every

atom of her I have ventur'd at, if she is but obey. [Turns his back] Come, madam, begin

mistress of thy wit, balances ten times the sum.-Pr'ythee, let me see thy face.

Mir. By no means; that may spoil your opinion of my sense

Sir G. Rather confirm it, madam.

Patch. So rob the lady of your gallantry, sir. Sir G. No child, a dish of chocolate in the morning never spoils my dinner: the other lady I design for a set meal; so there's no danger.

Mir. Matrimony! ha, bra, ha! what crimes have you committed against the god of love, that he should revenge 'em so severely, as to stamp husband on your forehead?

Mir. First, then, it was my unhappy lot to see you at Paris [Draws back a little way, and speaks] at a ball upon a birth-day; your shape and air charm'd my eyes, your wit and complaisance my soul, and from that fatal night I lov'd you. [Drawing back. And when you left the place grief seiz'd me so, Nor rest my heart nor sleep my eyes could

know; Last I resolv'd a hazardous point to try, And quit the place in search of liberty. [Exit, followed by Patch. Sir G. Excellent-I hope she's handsomeWell now, madam, to the two other things,

Sir G. For my folly, in having so often your name, and where you live-I am a gentlemet you here without pursuing the laws of man, and this confession will not be lost upon nature and exercising her command But I me-Nay, pr'ythee, don't weep, but go on, resolve ere we part now to know who you for I find my heart melts in thy behalf-Speak are, where you live, what kind of flesh and quickly, or I shall turn about-Not yet-Poor blood your face is; therefore unmask, and lady! she expects I should comfort her, and don't put me to the trouble of doing it for you. to do her justice, she has said enough to enMir. My face is the same flesh and blood courage me. [Turns about] Ha! gone! the with my hand, sir George; which if you'll be devil! jilted! Why, what a tale she has inso rude to provokevented-of Paris, balls, and birth-days!-'Egad, Sir G. You'll apply it to my cheek-the la- I'd give ten guineas to know who the gipsy dies' favours are always welcome, but I must is-A curse of my folly-I deserve to lose her. have that cloud withdrawn. [Taking hold of her] Remember you are in the Park, child; his back! and what a terrible thing would it be to lose this pretty white hand!1)

Mir. And how will it sound in a chocolatehouse, that sir George Airy rudely pulled off lady's mask, when he had given her his honour that he never would, directly or indirectly, endeavour to know her till she gave him leave?

a

Sir G. But if that lady thinks fit to pursue and meet me at every turn, like some troubled spirit, shall I be blamed if I inquire into the reality? I would have nothing dissatisfied in a female shape.

[Pauses.

Mir. What shall I do?
Sir G. Ay, pr'ythee, consider, for thou shalt
Gnd me very much at thy service.

Patch. Suppose, sir, the lady should be love with you.

in

Sir G. Oh! I'll return the obligation in a

moment.

Patch. And marry her?

1

What woman can forgive a man that turns

The bold and resolute in love and war
To conquer take the right and swiftest way:
The boldest lover soonest gains the fair,
As courage makes the rudest force obey:
Take no denial, and the dames adore ye;
Closely pursue them, and they fall before ye.
[Exit.

ACT II.

SCENE I.-A Room in SIR FRANCIS GRIPE'S
House.

Enter SIR FRANGIS GRIPE and MIRANDA.
Sir F. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Mir. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh! I shall die with laughing-the most romantic adventure -Ha, ha, ha! VWhat does the odious young fop mean? A hundred pieces to talk ten minutes with me! ha, ba, ha, ha!

Sir F. And I am to be by too, there's the jest; adad, 1) if it had been in private I should

Sir G. Ha, ha, ha! that's not the way to not have car'd to trust the young dog.

love her, child. Mir. Indeed and indeed but you might, Mir. If he discovers me I shall die-Which Gardy-Now methinks there's nobody handway shall I escape? let me see. [Pauses. somer than you: so neat, so clean, so goodSir G. Well, madam

humoured, and so loving

Mir. Thaveit-Sir George, 'tis fit you should Sir F. Pretty rogue, pretty rogue! and so allow something; if you'll excuse my face, and thou shalt find me, if thou dost prefer thy turn your back (if you look upon me I shall Gardy before these caperers of the age: thou sink, even masked as I am), I will confess why shalt outshine the queen's box on an opera I have engaged you so often, who I am, and night; thou shalt be the envy of the ring 2) where I live.

(for I will carry thee to Hyde-park), and thy equipage shall surpass the-what d'ye call 'em

Sir G. Well, to show you I am a man of honour, I accept the conditions: let me but ambassador's. once know those, and the face won't be long

a secret to me.

Patch. What mean you, madam?
Mir. To get off.

Sir G. Tis something indecent to turn one's back upon a lady; but you command, and I

Mir. Nay, I am sure the discreet part of my sex will envy me more for the inside furniture, when you are in it, than my outside equipage.

Sir F. A cunning baggage, i'faith thou art, and a wise one too! and to show thee that 1) For "egad," softened from "by God."

thou hast not chose amiss, I'll this moment Charles. If you please to intrust me with disinherit my son, and settle my whole estate the management of my estate I shall endeavupon thee. our it, sir.

Mir. There's an old rogue now. [Aside] Sir F. What, to set upon a card, and buy No, Gardy, I would not have your name be a lady's favour at the price of a thousand pieso black in the world-You know my father's ces, to rig out an equipage for a wench, or will runs that I am not to possess my estate, by your carelessness to enrich your steward, without your consent, till I am five-and-twenty; to fine for sheriff, 1) or put up for a parliayou shall only abate the odd seven years, and ment man? make me mistress of my estate to-day, and I'll Charles. I hope I should not spend it this make you master of my person to-morrow. way: however I ask only for what my uncle

Sir F. Humph! that may not be safe - No, left me; yours you may dispose of as you Chargy, I'll settle it upon thee for pin-money, please, sir. and that will be every bit as well, thou know'st. Sir F. That I shall, out of your reach, I Mir. Unconscionable old wretch! bribe me assure you, sir. Adad, these young fellows with my own money! - Which way shall I think old men get estates for nothing but them get out of his hands? [Aside. to squander away in dicing, wenching, drinkSir F. Well, what art thou thinking on, ing, dressing, and so forth. my girl, ha? how to banter sir. George? Charles. I think I was born a gentleman, Mir. I must not pretend to banter; he knows sir; I'm sure my uncle bred me like one. my tongue too well. [Aside] No, Gardy, I Sir F. From which you would infer, sir, have thought of a way will confound him more that gaming and wenching are requisites for than all I could say, if I should talk to him a gentleman.

seven years.

Charles. Monstrous! when I would ask him

nerly reproaches. I must, though against my

Sir F. How's that? oh! I'm transported, I'm only for a support he falls into these unmanravish'd, I'm madMir. It would make you mad if you knew will, employ invention, and by stratagem all. [Aside] I'll not answer him a word, but lieve myself. be dumb to all he says.

re

[Aside.

Sir F. Sirrah, what is it you mutter, sirrah,

Sir F. Dumb! good; ha, ha, ha! Excellent! ha? [Holds up his Cane] I say you shan't ha, ha, ha, ha! I think I have you now, sir have a groat out of my hands till I pleaseGeorge. Dumb! he'll go distracted-well, she's and may be I'll never please; and what's that the wittiest rogue.-Ha, ha, dumb! I can't but to you?

laugh, ha, ha! to think how damn'd mad he'll Charles. Nay, to be robb'd or have one's be when he finds he has given his money throat cut is not much

away for a dumb show! ha, ha, ha!

Mir. Nay, Gardy, if he did but know my thoughts of him it would make him ten times madder; ha, ha, ha, ha!

Sir F. Ay, so it would, Chargy, to hold him in such derision, to scorn to answer him, to be dumb; ha, ha, ha!

Enter CHARLES.

Sir F. What's that, sirrah? would you rob me or cut my throat, you rogue?

Charles. Heaven forbid, sir!-I said no such thing.

Sir F. Mercy on me! what a plague it is to have a son of one-and-twenty, who wants to elbow one out of one's life to edge himself into the estate!

Enter MARPLOT.

Sir F. How now, sirrah! who let you in? Charles. My necessities, sir., Sir F. Your necessities are very impertinent, and ought to have sent before they enter'd. Charles. Sir, I knew 'twas a word would your servant - O Charles, are you there? I

Mar. Egad, he's here-I was afraid I had lost him: his secret could not be with his father; his wants are public there. - Guardian, know by that sorrowful countenance of thine, Sir F. Then, sirrah, how durst you rudely the old man's fist is as close as his strong box thrust that upon your father, which nobody - But I'll help thee. [Aside. else would admit?

gain admittance no where.

Charles. Sure the name of a son is a sufficient plea. I ask this lady's pardon, if I have intruded.

Sir F. Ay, ay, ask her pardon and her blessing too, if you expect any thing from me. Mir. I believe yours, sir Francis, in a purse of guineas, would be more material. Your son may have business with you; I'll retire.

Sir F. I guess his business, but I'll dispatch him; I expect the knight every minute: you'll be in readiness?

Mir. Certainly. My expectation is more upon the wing than yours, old gentleman. [Aside, and exit.

Sir F. Well, sir.

Charles. Nay, it is very ill, sir, my circumstances are, I'm sure.

Sir F. And what's that to me, sir? your management should have made 'em better.

Sir F. So! here's another extravagant coxcomb that will spend his fortune before he comes to't, but he shall pay swinging interest, 2) and so let the fool go on.-Well, what does necessity bring you too, sir?

Mar. You have hit it, Guardian-I want a hundred pounds.

Sir F. For what?

Mar. Pugh! for a hundred things; I can't for my life tell you for what.

Charles. Sir, I suppose I have received all the answer I am like to have?

Mar. Oh, the devil! if he gets out before me I shall lose him again. [Aside.

1) All good substantial citizens are subject to be chosen as sheriff; but by paying a sum of moncy as fine, they are exempt from the fatigues of business, which would be too great now a days, besides it is wery wulgur to have any sort of occupation.