Ellen. Thank you, cousin, for this relief. Parliament, and the orator himself describing [ Aside. how puppets are managed at the Fantoccini; Forter. Zounds, I'm not to be interrupted. we had grandmothers making assignations Serv. She is here, sir.

Enter MISS VORTEX.

Miss Vor. My dear Nabob, uncommon glad to see you. Ah, Ellen! what, tired of seclusion and a cottage?

with boys, and the children of Israel joining the host of Pharaoh.-Oh! my dear Miss Vortex, why don't you partake in these charming scenes.

Ellen. My dear Miss Vortex six suppers would annihilate my fortune.

Ellen. I hope, cousin, I am welcome to you. Miss For. Oh! true; I forgot your uncomMiss Vor. Certainly; you know we are un-mon small fortune: but I don't think it much common glad to see any body in the country. signifies. I swear people of fashion in town -But, my dear Nabob, you don't enquire seem to do as well without money as with it. about the opening of our town-house. You might be successful at play there are Forter. I was thinking of my speech. points to be learnt which certainly do not give Miss For. The most brilliant house-warm- you the worst of the game. Come, will ing 1) - uncommon full, above a thousand people-every body there.

Ellen. Pray, cousin, do you then visit every body?

Miss For. Certainly they must ask me. Ellen. Must! I should imagine that wou'd depend on inclination.

be my protége?

you

Ellen. Excuse me, cousin, I dare say I ought to be covered with blushes when I own a vulgar detestation of the character of a female gamester; and I must decline the honour of your introduction to the haut-ton, till at least they have justice on their side.

Miss Vor. An uncommon odd girl, Nabob.
Elten. Heavens! to what state of abject de-

Miss Vor. Inclination! Pshaw! I beg your pardon, but you are really uncommon ignorant, my dear. They must ask me, I tell gradation must fashionable society be reduced, you.. Now suppose a Duchess rash enough when officers of police are as much dreaded to shut me from her parties; — very well.— by ladies in the purlieus of St. James's, as She names a night-I name the same, and they are by cutpurses in the wretched haunt give an entertainment greatly surpassing hers of St. Giles's.

in splendour and profusion.- What is the Miss For. For shame, Ellen, to censure your consequence ? - why, that her rooms are as own sex.

men.

deserted as an ex-minister's levee, and mine Ellen. No, Madaṛn, I am its advocate; and cramm'd to suffocation with her Grace's most in that sex's name protest an abhorrence of puissant and noble friends.-Ha! ha! my dear those women who do not consider any thing Ellen, the court of St. James's run after a shameful but to be ashamed of any thing; good supper as eagerly as the court of alder- whose resemblance to nature and innocence Hal ha! your being in this country, exists but in their nakedness, and to whom Nabob, was thought quite charming.-A host honour is only known as a pledge at a gaming not being at home to receive his guests is un-table. Exit common new and elegant, isn't it. Here we Miss Vor. Did you ever hear, Nabob? improve, my dear, on ancient hospitality- Vortex. I did not hear a word she said; those little memorandums, Nabob, will give I was thinking of my speech. you an idea of the sort of thing. Miss Vor. A pert, Gothic, low-bred creaVortex. [Reads] "March” . Oh! that's a ture! But her contemptible fortune suits undelightful month, when nature produces nothing, common well with her grovelling ideas. and every thing is forc'd.-Let me see 2)- Forter. Don't you talk of her fortune, it "50 quarts of green pease, at five guineas a always makes my poor head worse. You know quart," that was pretty well:-"500 peaches" at the time I gave her five thousand pounds at what?"a guinea each."-Oh! too cheap. in lieu of what I called her expectations, Miss Vor. 'Tis very true; but I assure you had in my hands an enormous sum of hers. I tried every where to get them dearer, but O dear! I'm afraid the doctor was right-ah!

cou'd not.

Vortex. And I suppose the new white satin furniture was all spoil'd.

Miss Vor. Oh! entirely-and the pier glasses shivered to pieces so delightfully.

Vortex. Well, I hope you had the whole account put in the papers?

mine are certainly East India qualms-I wonder if giving her fifty thousand back again wou'd do my heart any good?

Miss Vor. What! my dear Nabob? I declare you quite shock me.

Vortex. Oh, conscience!

Miss For. Conscience! he! he! a thing so uncommon vulgar, a thing so completely chas seed; besides, you know very well it is absolutely impossible to exist under 20,000. a year. Forter. That's very true.

Miss Vor. Certainly, else what would have been the use of giving the fête. Then the company; such charming eccentricity, such characters out of character.-We had a noble peer bowing for custom to his shop, and an Miss Vor. Some people certainly do conalderman turning over the music leaves for trive to grub on with ten thousand, but how the celebrated Soprano; an orator's lady de- they do it is to me miraculous; then think of tailing her husband's three hours speech in your intention of marrying me to the son of 1) Upon entering a new-built house, it is customary to your great rival the Baronet; think of his warm it in the manner here described, among the ex- borough. 8) Now for the extravagance of Covent-Garden Market, I have made a motion on matrimony to Sir Vortex. Ah! very true.—Conscience, avaunt! Hubert.

travagant.

This is altogether an excellent picture of Life in

London.

Miss Vor. And young Stanley's arrival; oh! what a sweet youth!

some of your election bills remain unliquidated, and I fear without a further mortgageSir Hub. Don't torture. Pardon me, good old man.

Vortex. Oh! what a sweet borough interest! But I'm glad your heart is interested. Miss Vor. Heart interested! Lud, how can Heart. Truly, Sir Hubert, what might have you suspect me of so uncommon vulgar a been effected with 50001. some years ago, will sensation. I trust my joy is occasioned by now require ten-you must retrench your ideas more becoming a woman of fashion.-hospitable benevolence.

I am charmed because his fortune is large, Sir Hub. My worthy steward, my head has his family ancient; and because my marriage long acknowledg'd the truth of your arithwill render all my female friends so uncom-metic--but my head could never teach it to mon miserable; and because I suspect that my heart.

Ellen met young Stanley at Spa, and that she Heart. And, sir, you may raise your rents. dares aspire to Sir Hub. Never, Heartley-never.-What! Vortex. I wish she were out of the house. shall the many suffer that I may be at ease!Miss Vor. No-she shall stay to witness my But away with care-this is a moment detriumph. voted to extasy- this is the hour a doating Vortex. Shall stay. I'm not to be contra- father is to clasp an only child, who, after dicted, you know-my physicians— combating with disease and death, returns

--

Miss Vor. Certainly not, my dear Nabob; triumphant to his arms in lusty health and but I may recommend; I'm sure no physician manhood,-Ah! he approaches; 'tis my boy-would object to your taking advice. Ah! does Dost thou not see him in the beechen avenue.Ellen love you as I do? will she listen to Dull old man, advance thine hand thus-[Putyour speech as I intend to do? would she ting his Hand over his Forehead.]-See how throw away thousands for you in a night, his eyes wander with delight, and renovate as I do?

Vortex. Very true! very true!

the pictures of his youth.-Ah! now he sees [Exeunt. his father, and flies like lightning.

Enter CHARLES STANLEY-[Kneels.] Charles. My honour'd-my lov'd father! Sir Hub. Rise to my heart.-Stand off, and let my eyes gloat upon thee-thou art well.Thy arm, good Heartley.-Nay, do not weep, old Honesty, twill infect me.

Charles. Ah! my excellent old friend-in

Sir Hub. Good Heartley, is all prepared for my boy's reception, his favourite study on the southern battlement? Are his dogs train'd-health, I hope? his hunters well condition'd?

Heart. Aye, good master, and this day will

Heart. To say, truth, Sir Hubert, the castle make me young again. has been all day in quarrel, each servant claim- Charles. Dear father, already must I become ing the right of exclusive attendance on his a suitor to you. Passing Oatland's farm, I dear young master. found his lovely daughter Jessy in tears, oc

Sir Hub. I thank their honest loves. He casion'd by her father's inability to pay his writes me he is well, good Heartley; quite rent. I dried them with a promise-Heartwell.-Ha! the village bells proclaim my boy's ley shakes his Head, and Sir Hubert averts arrival. Dost thou hear the people's shouts? his Face.] - Ha! your brow is clouded with Heart. Aye, and it revives my old heart. unhappiness; pray, sirSir Hub. These welcomes are the genuine Sir Hub. Good Heartley, leave us— -[Exeunt effusions of love and gratitude-Spite of this Heartley and Servants-Charles, so mixed Nabob's arts, you see how my loving neigh- is the cup of life, that this day, the happiest bours respect me.

Enter Servant.

Where is my boy?
Sero. Not yet arriv'd, sir.

Sir Hub. No!

thy old father can e'er hope to see, is dash'd with bitterness and sorrow, boy. I have been a very unthrift to thee.

Charles. Oh, sir.

Sir Hub. Listen to me. — - You have heard how my father kept alive the benevolent hospiServ. These rejoicings are for the Nabob's tality that once distinguished Old England, daughter, who is just come from London. and I not finding in modern ethics aught likely Sir Hub. Indeed! [peevishly] Well, well. to improve either the morals or happiness of Sero. My young master will alight privately mankind, determined to persevere in the ways at Oatland's farm, and walk through the park. of my fathers. Soon after you went abroad, [Exit. the adjoining estate was purchased by an East

Sir Hub. The Nabob's daughter!-Well, let Indian, groaning under wealth produc'd by it pass.-Heartley, what said farmer Oatland? groans. Like the viper, after collecting in the Heart. Nothing but what profligacy and in- warm sunshine his bag of venom, he came to solence dictated he defied your power, and the abode of peace and innocence, and dissent to the Nabob. seminated his poison. But mark me- - think Sir Hub. Ungrateful man! let a distress be me not so unjust, boy, as with random slander issued.-Hold; no, no.

to censure any body of men. No, thank heaven! Heart. Indeed, Sir Hubert, he is undeserving there are numbers whom Providence, in adyour lenity. Besides, sir, your mortgagee, Mr. dition to the power, has added the will, to Rapid, the wealthy taylor, will be here to-day render wealth a blessing to all around them. -the interest on the mortgage must be paid—| Charles. You are ever just and liberal.

me

Frank. If your honour be so gracious.
Charles. Nay, wear your hat.
Frank. O dear! O dear! what a pity no-
body do see I.

Sir Hugh. But for this vile exception, this Mr. Vortex, tell thee, riot, contention, indolence, and vice, succeeded. I struggled against this mischief, which spurr'd him on to oppose in my election. This contest (I trust, Charles, you think the dignity of our family demanded it)-this contest, I say, oblig'd me o' I. to mortgage my estate to a considerable amount; and I fear, boy, even that will not suffice. Dost thou not blame thy father?

Charles. Blame, sir? my fortune, nay, my life is held but to promote your happiness.

Sir Hub. Glorious boy! then all will be well again-thy estate restor'd, thy wealth enlarg'd. Charles. How?

Sir Hub. By marriage, Charles.

Charles. Come, brother student, your hand. Frank. My hand! Lord dong it, only think [Exeunt Hand in Hand.

ACT II.

SCENE I-A Room in an Inn. Enter Two WAITERS, with Luggage, meeting BRONZE.

1st. Wait. Coming, sir.

Young R. [Without] Zounds, why don't you come? Why don't all of you come, eh? [Charles averts his Face with dejection. Bronze. Waiter who are these people? Charles. Marriage, sir! To conceal the 1st. Wait. I don't know, Mr. Bronze.-The passion that triumphs here were but to deceive young one seems a queer one-he jump'd out a father, and injure the bright excellence of the mail, ran into the kitchen, whipp'd the love. When I was ill at Spa, the votaries of turnspit into a gallop, and made him keep pleasure avoided me as the harbinger of me-moving; and tho' not a minute in the house, lancholy, and I was despis'd as a thing pas- he has been in every room, from the garret sing into oblivion by all but one fair creature. to the cellar.

I obtained an opportunity to thank her for 2d. Wait. Father and son, I understand.the charitable pity her eye had beam'd on me. The name on the luggage, I see, is Rapid. Love soon kindled his torch at Pity's altar, Bronze. Rapid! [Aside] Perhaps it is my for I found in Miss Vortex such excellence-old master, the great tailor, and his harumSir Hub. Who? scarum son-I'll observe.

Charles. Miss Vortex, sir.
Sir Hub. From India?

Charles. The same.

Sir Hub. She that is now propos'd for your Charles. Is it possible? [alliance? Sir Hub. And awaits your arrival in the neighbourhood.

Charles. Oh! let me haste to her. Yet hold! Frank Oatland attends to hear your determination.

its course.

Enter OLD and YOUNG RAPID. Young R. Come along, dad-push on, my dear dad. Well, here we are-keep moving Old R. Moving! Zounds, haven't I been moving all night in the mail-coach to please you?

Young R. Mail! famous thing, isn't? Je up! whip over counties in a hop, step, and jump -dash along.

Sir Hub. At present, Charles, I cannot grant your suit.[Charles beckons in Frank.]- Old R. Od rot such hurry-seurry doings, Young man, tell your father the law must take say. Here have I ground my old bones all When I see in him symptoms of night in the mail, to be eight hours before contrition and amendment, I may restore him. my appointment with Sir Hubert Stanley; and Frank. Thank ye,-thank ye, sur. now I must sit biting my fingers. Charles. How came this distress to fall on him?

Young R. Biting your fingers! No, no, I'll find you something to do. Come, we'll keep moving!

[Takes his Father by the Arm, who resists. Enter LANDLORD.

Frank. Why, sur, he went on farming pretty tightish, didn't he, sur? till he keept company wi' Nabob's sarvants; then all of a sudden he took to the gentleman line. I conceats, sur, he didn't much understand the trim on't, for the gentleman line didn't answer at all. I hope your honour bean't angry wi' I for speaking to young 'squire; your worship do know Itleman. were a bit of a playfellow wi'un, and we followed our studies together.

Sir Hub. Indeed!

Frank. Ees, sur, we went through our letlers--and a-b, ab-e-b, eb-there somehow I stuck, and 'squire went clean away into abreviation and abomination 1); and then I never cou'd take much to your pens, they be so cruel small; now a pitchfork do fit my hand so desperate kindly as never was.

Land. Gentlemen, I beg leave-
Young R. No prosing-to the point.
Old R. For shame-don't interrupt the gen-

Young R. Gently, dad-dash away, sir.
Land. A servant of Sir Hubert Stanley has
been inquiring for Mr. Rapid.
Young R. Push on!

Land. And expects him at the castle.
Young R. That will do-push off—brush-
run!
[Exit Landlord, running.
That's the thing-keep moving.-1
Old R. What do you say, Neddy?
Young R. Neddy! damn it, don't call me

Sir Hub. Ha! ha! Come, my boy, you'll Neddy. I hate to be called Neddy. want refreshment.

[Exit.-Frank bows, and is going. Charles. What, honest Frank, will you not walk with me to the castle!

1) These are the first words of 5 syllables that children are taught to learn in their spelling-books.

say,

dad!

Old R. Well, I won't. Young R. That's settled-I say-what's your eh? business with Sir Hubert?-Some secret, Old R. [Aside] I won't tell you. Oh no a bill he owes me for making his clothes and

liveries.

1

Young R. Pugh! he's a ready-money man. [needles now for? - [Searches the Pocket]I never made a bill out for him in my life. Sure enough, here it is-one end stuck into It won't do. a letter, and the other into my back, I believe. Old R. Well then sit down, and I'll tell-Curse it?-Eh!-what's this? [Reads] "To you. [They sit] Can you sit still a moment? Mr. Rapid-Free-Hubert Stanley." Ha, ha, Young R. [Jumping up] To be sure I can ha! here's dad's secret-Now for it! [Reads -now tell me, briefly-briefly. [Sits again. very quick] "Sir Hubert Stanley will exOld R. [Aside] Indeed I will not. You pect to see Mr. Rapid at the Castle, and

Young R. Zounds! you have said that twice to seventy." Fifty thousand! huzza!-'tis so-now don't say it again. my old dad worth fifty thousand — perhaps Old R. Well, I won't-You must know-seventy—perhaps—I'll-no—I'll— 'tis a very long story.

Young R. Does Farmer Oatland live here-Bronze? Any thing to say, Bronze? Keep abouts?

[Exit. Young R. To have flanked along a pair of blood things at sixteen miles an hour. [Puts himself in the act of driving, and sits on the Chair where Old Rapid left his Coatsprings from it again]· What the devil's pan chap. that? Zounds! something has run into my

back. I'll bet a hundred 'tis a needle in father's pocket.

Young R. What, one of your real, genuine,

Confound it! what does he carry neat as imported, Nabobs?

Bronze. Yes, Mr. Vortex-Did you never mously.-It's my business to reduce it. [Aside] hear of him? -Now, my dear dad, in the first place, never

Young R. To be sure I have. But will you? call me Neddy.
Bronze. Yes.

Young R. Ah! but will you do it directly?|
Bronze. I will.

Young R. Then push off-Stop-stop-I beg your pardon-it cuts me to the heart to stop any man, because I wish every body to keep moving. But won't dad's being a tailor make an objection?

Bronze. No; as you never went out with the pattern-books.

Young R. [Sighing] Oh yes, I did. Bronze. That's awkward. But you never operated?

Young R. [With Melancholy] What do you say?

Bronze. I say you never

[Describes in action the act of sewing. Young R. [Sighing deeper] Oh! yes, I did. Bronze. That's unlucky.

Young R. Very melancholy, indeed! Bronze. I have it. Suppose I say you are merchants.

Young R. My dear fellow, sink the tailor, and I'll give you a hundred,

Bronze. Will you? Thank you.
Young R. Now push off.

Bronze. But don't be out of the way. Young R. Me; Bless you, I'm always the way.

Bronze. Don't move.

Old R. Why, what must I call you?
Young R. Ned-short-Ned.
Old R. Ned! O, Ned!

Young R. That will do. And in the next place, sink the tailor. Whatever you do, sink the tailor.

Old R. Sink the tailor! What do you mean? Young R. I've news for you. We are going to be introduced to Mr. Vortex, the rich Nabob. Old R. You don't say so! Huzza; it will be the making of us.

Young R. To be sure. Such fashion! Such style!

Old R. Aye, and such a quantity of liveries, and-Oh dear me! [With great dejection. Young R. What's the matter?

Old R. [Sighing] I forgot I had left off business. Confound it! Now,

Young R. Business!

pray keep the tailor under, will you? I'll-
send an express to London. [Runs to the Table.
Old R. An express! for what?
Young R. I don't know.-

Enter WAITER.

Waiter. The bill of fare, gentlemen. Young R. Bring it here.-[Reads]—“Turbots-Salmon-Soles-Haddock-Beef- Mutin ton-Veal-Lamb-Pork-Chickens-Ducks

Young R. Yes, I must move a little, away you go-[Pushes Bronze off]-Huzza! now to awake old dad.-[Exit, and returns with Old Rapid] - Come along, dad. Old R. (Half asleep] Yes, sir-yes, I'll measure you directly directly.

Turkies-Puddings-Pies." Dress it all-that's the short way.

Waiter. All!

Young R. Every bit.

Old R. No, no, nonsense.-The short way indeed! Come here, sir.-Let me see-[Reads] sir--Um-Um-"Ribs of beef.”—That's a good I'll measure you thing;-I'll have that. Young R. What?

Young R. He's asleep.-Awake!

Old R. What's the matter, eh! What's the

Old R. Why, since what's pastYoung R. Never mind what's past. Old R. I've been a fortunate man. My old partner us'd to say, "Ah! you are lucky, Rapid; your needle always sticks in the right place." Young R. No, not always. [Shrugging]— But how much?

Old R. Why, as it must out, there are fifty thousand lent on mortgage. Item, fifteen thousand in the consols-Item

Young R. Never mind the items.-The total, my dear dad-the total.

Old R. What do you think of a plumb! Young R. A plum! Oh, sweet, agreeable, little, short word!

Old R. Besides seven hundred and ninety

Waiter. Ribs of beef, sir.

Young R. Are they the short ribs?
Waiter. Yes, sir.

Young R. That's right.

Waiter. What liquor wou'd

like?

your

honour

Young R. [Jumping up.] Spruce-beer.
Waiter. Very well, sir.

Young R. I must have some clothes.
Old R. I'm sure that's a very good coat.
Young R. Waiter!-I must have a dashing
coat for the Nabob.-Is there a rascally tailor
any where near you?

Waiter. Yes, sir;-there are two close by.

[Father and Son look at each other. Young R. Umph! then tell one of them to send me some clothes.

Waiter. Sir, he must take your measure.
Old R. To be sure he must.

Young R. Oh, true! I remember the fellows do measure you somehow with long bits of -Well-send for the scoundrel. [Exit Waiter. Old R. Oh, for shame of yourself! I've no patience.

Young R. Like you the better.-Hate paYoung R. Never mind the odd money-that tience as much as you do, ha! ba!-Must will do. But how came you so rich, dad? swagger a little.

Dam'me, you must have kept moving.

Old R. Ah! I am too fond of you, I am, Old R. Why, my father, forty years ago, Ned. Take my fortune; but only remember left me five thousand pounds; which, at com-this-By the faith of a man I came by it pound interest, if you multiplyhonestly,-and all I ask is, that it may go as

Young R. No; you have multiplied it fa- it came.

1